Loneliness

So today I read the note of a friends pertaining to loneliness and just what it was exactly. To my friend loneliness was described as a state of mind in which you feel alone and unwanted. Now if your just talking about being lonely just for a second, then yes I totally agree with that statement but when your approaching the subject of "Loneliness" well that's when everything begins to change, where your required to look past the surface and see the problem underneath it.

Sure you can have family members that care for and love you, but then you must go underneath surface of love and care. You have to wonder do they understand you, not just love you because your apart of their blood and from their seed. And there are cases when a person is misunderstood inside and out their family. Have you heard of moments in which a mother has said "I only love you because you came from me, not for who or what you are." someone who has this or something in a similar manner said to them are people who fit the example I stated before.

Family only goes so far, after mommy and daddy it's limited to grandma and grand dad unless the family was brought up close together with brother, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins all supporting each other. But does that mean everyone is understood and valued as the person they truly are inside? No. Some people are lonely because they can't find that ONE person who acknowledges them as someone special and gives them a sense of self and purpose, something you can't achieve within the family in most cases. "My life didn't start until I met you" Another quote that attest to this fact or rather example. Loneliness goes farther then just feeling down and alone, and most people don't understand/comprehend that.

To be lonely is to have no one you can turn to. It's holding your burdens, your fears and doubts, deep inside your soul where it eats away at you to the point you feel like breaking down. It's that thing inside that doesn't hurt but feel numb, it's as if nothing can make it better and even though you ignore it and act as if it doesn't exist it's there to greet you at the end of day.

Now there's a few core principles of experiencing loneliness. That is:

1) Feeling alone even when someone is at a social gathering. (School, football game, dance, Club, etc)

2) The loneliness of a single person desperate for emotional intimacy. (Sharing a part of your soul with someone who is there for you and only you. Ex: Husband, Wife, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Best friend, brother, sister, mother, etc.)

3) The loneliness of feeling insignificant/worthless when compared to others. (Feeling as if you don't fit in with others in your environment. Feels as if your not apart of the group, etc.)

To decribe Loneliness some would call it the absence of love, lack of love, lack of understanding, etc. But this love does not refer to romantic love or family love, it refers to unconditional love. To describe unconditional it's the love that you recieve from someone where no matter what happens, no matter what is said or done you know they'll be there at the end of the day. There to wipe your tears of your eyes, face your fears and doubts and tell you that they love you whether wrong or right.

The highest state of conditional love is often seen as the love from god, or becoming conscious of your being and life. Often people who are lost within themselves and the things that haunt them turn to religion, god, to solve their problems and banish the dark feelings of loneliness. When their told that god loves them no matter what, that god gives them his forgiveness not matter what sin they may have committed it tells them their not alone and they have someone to turn to that will give them that unconditional love they crave. I'm not saying it's wrong to do this but I am saying that this is a way people escape loneliness. I believe in god and I believe in his love but I do not believe you should use god as a crux in order to fight or hold off your feelings of loneliness.

Loneliness is a disease of the soul. It eats away at your mental bearings and degrades you to something less then what you were. You lose your sense of self worth and you wonder why things just aren't going your way, why is life not looking up for you.

To escape this disease and to find a cure we attempt to seek the cure in places that does more damage then healing. Some turn to sexual gratification(Prostitution, Having babies, Multiple Sex partners), Alcohol, Drugs, Abuse, Religion etc. While having these things offer temporary relief the problem is still there to haunt you.

But in all truth we're just seeking that one person who'd banish all this problems. That one person who can see us for the person we truly are, the one who'll stand by and tell us everything we want to hear. The person that says I care, I love you, I worry about you, I'm here for you, I need you, I'll help you, Rely on me to ease your burdens. We look for that person to not only lead us but to also walk beside us on equal grounds. Some people find this person to be their best friend, others find it in their lover.

Loneliness is something we all face and can't avoid, yet many are ignorant of what it truly is. We let our fears and ignorance get the best of us, we ignore the real problem which may be things from our past or small things we deal with in ordinary life. Instead of confronting the problem we just accept the good and bad as apart of life and make no effort to bring upon a change.

Over the years I've realized this little by litte. I am lonely but I also have friends. I have people I love and I have people who love me. I have people I put before myself, people I'd do anything to see happy even if that means giving up my own happiness. I hold their burdens, their regrets, their problems all on my back, I listen and I do my best to understand and offer help.

I can't expect everyone to see me as the person I believe myself to be. I can't expect everyone to forgive and accept me as the person I am. I can't blame them when they hurt or betray me, intentionally or unintentionally. I can't HATE them for being the person they are since everyone makes mistakes or just sometimes don't realize what their doing. Everyone has burdens causing them to be the person they are and knowing that I can't truly hate them. Knowing that I accept the person they are and love them even though I may not want to.

Now it may sound hypocritical but there will be people you'll dislike, people you'll clash with that you can't help but dislike and hate. And knowing this I suggest you avoid these type of people. Finding friends is hard, learning to trust people is hard and learning to forgive and let go is one of the hardest things you can do as a person. But once you can get your self lined up all the way with the belief that sometimes, things just happen whether good or bad I have to live my life to the best of my capability....well sometimes it helps a lot.

Complaining

I hate it when people try to complain about you complain. There's always someone who wanna say oh you have a small problem but people over here is going through this! But the thing is I don't give a fuck what the people over there is going through, they can complain about their problems to. I mean I know there's worst things going on in the world but don't fucking come down on me as if I don't have the right to feel how I feel.

Shit like that piss me off, I mean let's say I didn't complain about the things in life that pisses me off or just fuck up my day in general; and let's say I kept it all in and said nothing about it, please tell me what would that help. Would it make the people in Haiti's life different? Make them be better off then they are now? Would it go back in time and help the Jews when they were being enslaved, slaughtered and devastated? Would it cross the seas to Africa and assist the men who have to kill their families before being killed themselves?

No.

Now let's go even further. Let's say someone is just complaining about everything, let's say they broke up with their girlfriend, let's say they lost 10 dollars or they fell and hurt their leg. And then they complained about it "Oh I can't believe she's gone" "Damn I have no money I need a job" "Shit my knee is fucked up". After all that looking back on what they said, point out what's bad about the things they've said? To me all I see is them getting the thing that's bothering off their chest in order to pave the way to feeling better.

What if someone has some major shit bothering them but keep it inside since they don't want people to know. What if so many people don't give a fuck about how you feel and telling you that you should get over and be grateful of what you got and grateful your living. Do you think that really helps? Do you think a teenage girl who feels down about herself and constantly throws up to fit a image she can't achieve wanna hear that? Or the one kid who's addicted to drugs since he couldn't stand watching his father beat his mother? Or how about the quiet kid who has bruises hidden up under his hoodie after fighting with his father? I mean the list goes on and when these people hold this shit in their in danger of committing suicide and getting NO help at all.

How do I know? Cause I was in those shoes and I don't give a fuck if people know and I don't give a fuck what people gotta say about it. YES I'M GOING TO FUCKING COMPLAIN ABOUT IT AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE BITCH STOP ME. Cause right about now I don't give a fuck. I watch my father fight my mom and I watched her cry. I've fought my father several times myself, I've been stomped into ice in the middle of the night and chased down the street to the point my feet bleed. And I worry that when I go off to college the shit might start again only I won't be there for my little brother, sister or mom. I had a aneurysm in my brain and I was worry about dying, suffering from massive migraines in danger of dying any day just from it bursting and I'm grateful ass FUCK that it went away and I was able to get past that. And most people don't know this shit!

And don't think it stop there no my list goes on and yes THERE is people who go through worst but don't come to me talking shit saying that what I went through what I go through and WHAT'S HEADING MY WAY IN THE FUTURE isn't shit when compared to some one else's problem. If you feel that way just get the fuck away from me.